you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
