Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
