Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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