1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
