Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
