The maid of honor just puked.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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