You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
