She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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