so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone came in the potted fern
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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