I hate all girls vehemently.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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