Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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