Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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