I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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