Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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