I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
