i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
