Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
