I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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