dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
