if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
