hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
