That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
