This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
