I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
