In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
