Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is my gift to your gina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
