so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
