I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
