If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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