My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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