I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
