Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
