Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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