He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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