I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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