While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
