I could make wine with my vomit
Ketchup is God's man juice
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
