So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
