I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
