First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
