that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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