who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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