I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
