you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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