dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
