my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's never too late to be topless.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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