I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
