I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
