her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize