For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
