Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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