thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
