I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
