I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
