If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
