One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
