chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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