You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
