I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize