highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
