you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
please don't ironically join a cult
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