remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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