just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
