We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
