I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
