I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
