Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
