Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
