No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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