those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Even my vagina gasped.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
