1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
