R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
